All In The Memories
by Invidie
Summary: Three years ago he lost everything. He places a rose each day on her grave, but every night and pause of day brings memories of her. His friends can't help him and the Kingdom is at stake. He wants her back, they say it's impossible...but someone is lying
1. The Past Lives in a Dream

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, but writing about the characters can suffice for it.**

**A/N: So, here's the deal. I'm writing this duly for the fact I really, really wanted to...if only a few read it...that's fine...but I won't stop writing it. It's a new project of mine that I like too much not to write about.**

Alistair covered his mouth and turned away trying to hide the blush crawling up from his neck onto his face.

"Alistair, are you blushing?" Her voice was sweet, like dew.

"No, my face is naturally this color," Alistair defended.

She gave a soft laugh, "That's not what it looked like prior to this conversation."

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about," Alistair dropped his hand from his face to cross his arms.

"Oh, is that so?" Her accent was silky and full of experience, experience he still didn't know where from it came.

"Yes, very," Alistair held his ground.

"I find that hard to believe," her tone had taken on amusement, "I specifically remember _you_ bringing this conversation on, not me."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You don't want to hear my answer to that question? Or are you too embarrassed by me finding out your answer to know mine?" She trailed a finger across the metal plates on his shoulder to stand in front of him, "But then again," she trailed it down the chest plate, "maybe I'll just keep it a secret." She turned sharply walking away from him, "Don't just stand there and stare, Alistair, we have places to be."

"I'm not staring!" Alistair called after her, but he couldn't help his eyes from lingering on the dark marooned haired woman with fair almost glowing skin as the sun burned high above them reflecting off their armor, "I'm admiring…"

"What was that?" She looked back at him with deep blue eyes and a naturally toned smile, "I don't think I caught that."

"I was talking to myself," he gave a half smile and jogged to catch up to her.

Once next to her she gave him a bemused look, "Talking to yourself is thought to be unhealthy."

"I was raised by dogs if you don't recall," Alistair pointed at her.

She took his finger, "And if I recall that went to a whole new subject on a matter of dreams and I caught you off guard…made you spill your past."

Alistair cleared his throat, "Right, yes…that I do recall."

Her eyes sparkled in the sun's gleam as she smiled brightly at him, "Did anyone ever tell you, you're cute when you're embarrassed?"

"No," his brow furrowed slightly, "I can't say I've ever heard that before. Are you going to keep my finger?"

She let his finger go and looked ahead keeping her smile, "Well you are. Same when you become awkward and nervous."

"I am _neither _awkward_ nor_ nervous," Alistair confirmed.

"Only sometimes," she shot a smile towards him making something in him flutter.

"Alistair, Raelyn, if you two are done having a little moment…could we possible carry on with our duties?"

_What a dreadful women_, Alistair sneered at Morrigan.

"Hey we did stop for a break, Morrigan," Raelyn spoke sweetly to the other woman as they neared her, "but I do suppose you're right. We should keep going. Onto Redcliffe, so we can find Arl Eamon…he will help us…" she faded off to look at Alistair, "Right Alistair?"

"Yes," Alistair nodded, "We have quite a hike a head of us; we might have to set up camp on the way."

"That's fine," Morrigan looked at him, "As long as we don't have to worry about carrying your dead weight around."

"Oh, Morrigan, leave him be," Raelyn giggled slightly, "He can't help it if he's not as strong as me."

"Strong as you?" Alistair lifted an eyebrow with a slight chuckle, "You wish _you_ were as strong as _me._"

"Okay, fine. I challenge you to a dual when we set up camp," Raelyn challenged with a cocky grin.

"You're on," Alistair looked behind him to see Sten coming up by them, "You ready there Sten?"

Sten nodded, "Yes."

"Good," Alistair turned back to the two girls, "Alright, let's go."

Raelyn's eyes widened slight, "Horkin!"

"Leave the damn dog," Morrigan hissed.

"I will not!" Raelyn was about to walk off when a loud bark came from few feet away, "Horkin, here boy! It's time to go!"

The large Mabari bounded towards them barking happily; he came to a halt in front of the Grey Warden female.

Raelyn knelt down on one knee, "There's a good boy."

Morrigan made a small noise before turning on a heel to start walking; Sten following right behind.

"C'mon Rae," Alistair chuckled, "Let's go before those two leave us."

She looked up at him, "Would that be so bad?" Raelyn stood up slowly to watch the two walking away, "I know that we just acquired Sten, but I'm starting to regret taking either of them."

Alistair stared at her.

"I wouldn't mind it being just the two of us," Raelyn admitted, but Horkin barked next to her and she giggled patting his head, "The _three_ of us." Finally she turned her sight on Alistair, "Or would you rather not have that?"

_I'd wished for it since Flemeth told us to take Morrigan_, "I think it'd be more fun, exciting, disastrous…"

Raelyn gave a half grin, "You're such the comedian, Alistair."

"Let's go you two! I thought Grey Warden were supposed to be fighters not gossipers!" Morrigan and Sten had stopped a few yards up to wait.

"We were contemplating leaving you out here to die in the wilderness!" Alistair shouted at her.

"Please, you two wouldn't last a day without me!" Morrigan yelled back, "We're wasting sunlight here!" She turned again to start walking.

Raelyn gave Alistair's arm a small pull, "To Redcliffe, then."

"To Redcliffe."

)()()()()(

Alistair stared at the fire lost in thought and worries, but his moment of wondering when he should tell Raelyn the whole truth was interrupted by mentioned girl as she thrashed about on her blankets. She sat up almost instantly and grabbed her head, "Those dreams are killer."

She looked up at him with surprise, "What?"

"After The Joining you start to have these terrible dreams," he looked back at the fire, "I have them almost every night…they linger for what seems forever before they finally vanish, but by then it's time to just fall back asleep and have them again."

"The dragon…"

"I'm not sure," he let his eyes drift back to her, "I already know your question and I'm not sure…no one is certain as to what the archdemon looks like."

"The Darkspawn were there."

"He was speaking to them."

"Drinking their blood caused for us to hear it too?"

Alistair brought his eyes back to the fire, "Yes." It went quiet and Alistair listened as armor clanked softly together, but it ceased and the presence of her sitting only inches away from him swarmed his whole being. He didn't look at her, afraid that he'd say something dumb.

"The Darkspawn took everything from me."

Alistair didn't say anything, afraid that she'd stop.

"My nephew, my sister-in-law, mother, father…and for all I know…my brother. All I have is Horkin," the dog's head snapped up at the sound of his name, but it dropped back down with the pleasure of seeing no danger.

"You have me," Alistair muttered.

"We have _each other_," Raelyn corrected.

Alistair turned his head to meet her gaze, "And Horkin."

Raelyn snorted looking at the fire, "And Horkin." She reached behind her head to make sure the two coils of her hair were still firm from all the thrashing, "I look like a mess, don't I?"

"No," Alistair gave a small shake of his head, "You look beautiful."

Raelyn snorted again.

"I'm serious, you do."

Raelyn turned those innocent eyes onto him, "Flatterer."

Alistair chuckled bowing his head, "As much as I can be…but no, I'm being serious here. You _do_ look beautiful, be it the fire's glow, the full moon's rays, or the natural beauty you have…it doesn't matter because, to me, you look beautiful tonight."

"Do I normally not?" Her response made Alistair smile softly.

"You can be quite the distraction fellow Warden," Alistair confirmed and that's when he noticed the color forming in her cheeks, "Rae, are you blushing?"

"No," she looked away from him, "My face is naturally this color."

"It wasn't prior to this conversation," Alistair pointed out with amusement.

Raelyn looked back at him, "That reminds me…I never did tell you my answer."

Alistair waited quietly.

She inhaled, "I, too, have never licked a lamppost in winter."

Alistair's eyes widened, "Are you serious?"

Raelyn nodded.

Alistair huffed out a laugh, "I would've never guessed that."

"What is that supposed to me?" Her brow furrowed.

Alistair held up his hands, "No, wait I didn't mean it like that…it's just that…I would've thought you already had being as you're gracious, rich, and beautiful. You probably have a war hero waiting for you back home to marry."

"I'm not interested in heroes," Raelyn ignored the rest of it feeling as the topic would further embarrass them both, so she continued with the latter; "Heroes are brave, yes, but also reckless. No, I prefer the man who fights his way through evils for those he loves and cherishes closest to his heart…the ones who stand back to take the safest route for his fellow men. The route which will bring almost of all them back home, including him."

"Is there anyone like that in your life?"

"Ser Roland Gilmore."

"Oh, I see," Alistair tried his best to hide his disappointment, "Do you suppose he's waiting for you."

"I wouldn't think so," she looked at him with sad eyes, "He sacrificed himself when my castle went under siege; he sacrificed himself to make sure Horkin, my mother…and me got to safety. Chances are he's dead."

"I-I-I'm sorry," Alistair cleared his throat looking down, but then he got up swiftly, "I should probably get some sleep."

"Wait, Alistair," Raelyn rose to her feet.

"No, really it'll be good for all of us if I get some rest," Alistair started to turn, but Raelyn grabbed his arm pulling him to a stop.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no, I just hadn't realized how tired I was," Alistair forced a smile, "Honest."

Raelyn slowly released his arm to let him walk away.

Alistair did just that walking away from the fire, the warmth, and the tonic that quenched his heart. He stopped; _I shouldn't just walk away like that_. He began to turn back around when metal clad hands grabbed his face pulling it down to press his lips to the owner of the cold hands. He brought his hands up to rest on their arms and pull away, but he was met with fiery, warmth filled eyes, "Rae…"

Raelyn didn't respond and instead slid her right hand to the nape of his neck; her lips gently pressed back against his.

Alistair's left hand came up to cup the back of her head while his right pressed against her back; the added presence of her body flush against his, armor or not, made his lips deepen the kiss. The kiss scorched into his brain while his heart flared with things he could never understand…things he wouldn't understand till long later into the Blight.

)()~()~()~()~()(

_When the silence beckons…_

Alistair opened his eyes trying to come back to the present; trying to leave his memories behind as the grogginess of sleep began to wear off. He sat up slowly squinting his eyes shut.

"Your Majesty, are you alright?" Alistair turned his head to see an elf standing in the doorway holding a scroll.

Alistair nodded his head rubbing at his temple, "Yes, fine…just dreaming of the past is all."

"Well, alright then," the elf paused, "Is there anything I can get for you?"

Alistair thought about it for a moment, but finally shook his head, "No, thank you for asking though."

"You are quite welcome, sir. I'll leave this in your study sir," he left the doorway shutting the door leaving Alistair in silence.

Alistair stayed in his bed for a moment longer, but finally crawled out of the bed to find his Royal Armor. It didn't take him long to get dressed, and as he was pulling on his gloves the glass dome on his bedside table caught his attention…just like it did every morning for the past three years. Slowly Alistair walked over to it bending down to stare into the tall dome; inside was a glass hand crafted by a mage, but the hand held a fully bloomed red rose between its thumb and first two fingers. A rose which still looked fully alive after all this time, but magic wasn't only working the rose, it was also causing a steady fall of snow around the hand though it never collected at the bottom, but instead vanished into nothing. It was all a beautiful gift given to him by Morrigan only to hold that one rose in place, a rose with red blood stains on the petals that didn't show.

Alistair gently put his hand to the glass and the snow stopped to be replaced by a light rain, "Today has come again…" He stood up removing his hand watching as the snow started again; he sighed heavily turning away to leave the room.

"Ah, King Alistair," a nicely dressed man stopped him outside the door grinning, "I have a few people who would love to meet you."

"Not interested, Donnaci," Alistair walked past him, but the man stayed with him.

"But your Majesty…"

"I said no."

"It's for the greater good of the kingdom."

"No."

"If you'll just hear me out—"

"I don't want to meet anyone," Alistair came to a stop, "I have no interest in meeting anyone, do you understand me."

"Sir, I do, but—"

"Good," Alistair started away again.

"You can't let her stop you from being happy."

Alistair stopped walking, but didn't turn back.

"She's controlling you sir, taking away your life…"

"Please excuse me, Donnaci," Alistair didn't wait for a respond, "I have to go visit someone."

"She's been destroying you for three years!" Donnaci called after, but it was too late. The King had already left him in the hall.

Alistair hurried down the steps, past rooms, and more rooms to walk outside into the gardens. He slowed his pace to look up at the sky then at the multiple flower bushes; he stopped to pick a fully grown rose then carried on deeper into the garden where he finally came to a halt under a roofed area. He dropped to his knees to look at the rose, "Every rose I place here withers and dies; it makes me wonder if you ever actually know I put them there, but it won't stop me from coming out here every day to lie one." He slowly placed the rose in front a fairly sized stone then looked up at it, "Three years ago today…that's when…that's when I…" he trailed off squeezing his eyes shut, "Why did you have to do that?"

He opened his eyes again to stare at the text already etched into his brain:

_Raelyn Nadia Cousland_

_Grey Warden, Friend,_

_& Queen_

_Never Forgotten, Always Remembered_

"I miss you, Rae, so damn much," Alistair fell back to sit down, but moved to lean against the side of the gravestone; resting his head back against it, "Every day I live, I wish more and more you could be with me…Donnaci wants me to forget about you, move on, he says you're destroying me," Alistair chuckled sadly, "I can't forget you. I won't forget you. I want you here too much to do that."

Alistair brought one knee up and kept the other stretched out; he rested an arm on the knee and the other arm on his other leg. He closed his eyes, "I dreamt about you last night…I dreamt about the day you said to me that you wouldn't mind leaving Morrigan and Sten, the night you told me we had each other, the first time we kissed. It still bothers me that _you_ made the first move," Alistair chuckled again opening his eyes and bowing his head, "I'm glad you did…but, God Rae, what I wouldn't give to kiss you one last time. One last kiss goodbye is all I ask, but time was never on our side…"

Alistair closed his eyes again and let out a heavy breath, "I just want you back, Rae…I want my one true love back…I want to hear you say those three words again…so I can say it back, but all I hear is this ever welcoming silence."

"You're making me depressed," the voice startled Alistair into opening his eyes, "Every single day you come out here and mope about; it's a dreadful thing to do as a King."

"What do you want me to do Morrigan?"

"Be a King."

"I am a King."

"One that sits by his dead never-to-be Queen," Morrigan hissed.

Alistair glared at her, "She was to be my queen far before we fought the archdemon," Alistair stood up, "You know that."

"You also know she could've lived," Morrigan spat, "She had that choice."

"It was both of ours," Alistair corrected.

"All you had to do was bed me," Morrigan's voice had lowered.

Alistair sneered, "I was willing to do anything to save her, but she…she didn't want me to do that. She didn't want—"

"To save herself."

"To have me go against her!" Alistair barked.

"You weren't going to go against her," Morrigan pointed out, "You were going to save her. It's not like you were going to stay a part of the child's life…but you too didn't want to do it."

"Because I was hers and hers alone," Alistair's heart twisted, "And she was mine."

"What about Zevran?" Morrigan asked.

Alistair's eyebrows met in deep anger, "There was _nothing_ between those two."

"And you know this how?" Morrigan raised an eyebrow.

"She told him she had no interest in him and that her choice was me…she's the only one I've been with…and I'm the only one she's been with."

"Are you saying that you haven't been with another woman since?" Morrigan asked.

Alistair nodded, "My decision was to be loyal to her even in death…It didn't feel right to think of going to bed with you; she had thought the same thing, but she was willing to do it to save me."

"But you just told me that you both decided against it," Morrigan folded her arms across her chest.

"I know, and it's true. I think she knew one of us would die…" Alistair looked down at the gravestone, "She knew that one of us would be without the other…she wanted to me to go on; be King…lead the people. I wish I could change all of that…at least to hold her for one more day."

"Pathetic."

Alistair's face grew with anger turning back to her, "You wouldn't understand! Have you ever cared about anyone, but yourself! Have you stopped to give a damn about at least one other person! You have no idea what it is like to lose the one person you had left in the world, the one person who was there for you in the darkest of times, the one person who you would do anything for you, the one person you loved more than anything else in the world," his anger dissipated as he drew his attention back to the gravestone, "She came into my life a mystery, but from the moment we argued about who asked who first…I knew there was something about her."

"I think I'm going to puke."

Alistair sighed, "What do you want Morrigan?"

"I wanted to see if what Zevran was true about you pouting still."

"What do you want me to say, Morrigan? That I'm happy? Because I'm not," Alistair looked past the stone to stare at a statue that stared into the distance with long missed beauty, "She was everything."

"Do you think she'd want you to be like this?"

"She wouldn't want me to forget her."

"I didn't say that…you're not moving on, Alistair. That's what I meant."

"I can't move on."

"You have to or this Kingdom will fall."

"Leave me alone, Morrigan…unless you can summon her back to me, please just leave."

There was silence for a moment as the wind blew into the area, but Morrigan spoke, "I admired you years ago, Alistair. I admired you for the fact you rose up to be King even after she was gone…now, I don't know what to think of you. You've fallen, Grey Warden."

Alistair's breath caught at the words, but as he turned around to look at her she was gone. Alistair slowly brought his eyes back to the statue and stared at it…waiting for when the silence beckons…

**A/N: If anyone made it this far...please review. :D**


	2. What She Told Him

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Oath, but the attitude and personality of my Grey Warden Raelyn. (The first conversation between Wynne and Alistair is their's however. I had to use it.)**

**A/N: Okay, so here's the deal. I am so not following the story line piece by piece if you haven't figure it out yet, but that is duly made for the fact it makes my life easier when writing all of this. I do hope you enjoy and read through to the end...PS: Smut...but not explicit naughty language smut (That totally made me sound little...my bad)...**

Alistair let out a loud battle cry as his sword pierced through the werewolf; his foot came up to press against the lifeless body pushing it off the blade. He whirled around with a growl settling into the back of his throat as another leapt at him, but he brought his shield up and out causing the beast to fall back onto the ground. The Grey Warden moved fast to slice his sword across the animal's neck killing it instantly. When he looked up he saw Wynne fighting off her own army of four werewolves and doing fairly well, but her back was pressed against Morrigan's as the witch was fighting off three more. Alistair moved to go towards them planning to help when it suddenly crossed his mind, _Raelyn_. He spun back around smacking his shield into another werewolf bouncing it to the ground; he slammed his foot into its head before looking up for the other Warden. He saw her crawling backwards on her elbows away from the advancing werewolf which held her own sword in one hand; the beast chuckled and threw it to the ground.

It lunged forward letting out a loud snarl and her foot came up kicking it in the face, but it only managed to enrage the animal even more. Her eyes went wide and she froze staring up at it.

"No!" Alistair ran towards the werewolf, sword raised. It turned its large head in time for it to be slashed clean off its shoulders. He huffed heavily breathing in large gulps of air; he moved his sword and shield to his back then held a hand out to Raelyn, "You okay?"

Raelyn took his hand allowing the help up, "Yeah, fine…he just caught me off guard."

Alistair kept his hold on her hand and reached out with the other to touch her cheek where a scrape dripped small droplets of blood, "You were cut."

"I can't feel anything," Raelyn must've saw the concern in his eyes for she reached up with her free hand to take his on her cheek, "Honest, Alistair."

Alistair let her take his hand, but he frowned, "I know, but…"

"No, buts," Raelyn moved the hand to rest on the armor just above her heart where he could feel the faint beating of her heart, "As long as that is still beating you needn't worry."

Alistair sighed, but nodded.

Raelyn's lips started to curl into a small smile, "Isn't this where the valiant knight kisses the damsel in distress?"

"There's a damsel in distress, where?" Alistair let her hand go and pulled his other free to turn the other way, "I don't see any."

Raelyn giggled and he turned back to her grinning largely.

"What are you two going on about?" They turned their heads to see Morrigan, "Some joke that only Wardens would get?"

"Yes, and it's about how these two Wardens offer a mage to the werewolves in return for their safety," Alistair kept the smile.

"What a dreadful thing to do with Wynne," Morrigan gasped dramatically, "And here I thought you were starting to like her."

"You wish it was about her," Alistair mumbled.

"Are you two alright?" Wynne asked ignoring the conversation.

"Yes," Raelyn responded, "And the two of you?"

"Peachy," Morrigan answered.

"That was an unexpected attack," Wynne looked around the ruins, "I suppose we'll be seeing more of them then?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Alistair looked at Raelyn, "Should we continue on?"

Raelyn frowned slightly, but nodded, "I suppose so…hopefully we'll run into Witherfang soon." She grabbed her sword and shield from the ground, but Morrigan started ahead of her, "Morrigan wait."

"You're far too slow," came the response.

"There are days where I wouldn't mind wringing her neck," Raelyn sighed placing her equipment on her back and following after.

Alistair didn't move at first; his eyes too occupied watching his beautiful companion walk away and tempting him to go to her: to kiss her as she had asked…and possibly more.

Wynne made a noise next to him bringing Alistair out of thought; he looked at her to see her smiling, "Why are you smiling like that? You look suspiciously like the cat who swallowed the pigeon."

"Canary," she corrected.

"What?" Alistair asked confused.

"I look like the cat that swallowed the canary," she clarified then started to follow after the other two.

"I once had a very large cat," Alistair said nonchalantly, but he shook his head and jogged to catch up to her, "but that's not my point. My point is why are you smirking?"

Wynne chuckled lightly, "You were watching her. With great interest, I might add. In fact, I believe you were," she paused to look at him, "enraptured."

Alistair's composure fell slightly and he cleared his throat, "She's our leader. I look to her for guidance."

Wynne nodded, "Oh, I see," she looked ahead of them, but then her eyes glanced at him, "So what guidance did you find in those swaying hips hmm?"

Alistair's face started to feel warm, "No, no, no, I wasn't looking at…" Alistair looked down, "you know her…hind-quarters"

"Certainly," Wynne smiled slyly.

"I gazed...glanced," he corrected quickly, "in that direction, maybe," he looked at her holding up a finger as if to justify himself, "but I wasn't staring...or really seeing anything even."

"Of course," Wynne nodded.

Alistair dropped his hand and brought his eyes back to in front of them, "I hate you. You're a bad person."

Wynne laughed at this, "Oh, Alistair, your secret is safe with me."

"And what secret is that?" Alistair deadpanned.

"That you enjoy looking for _guidance_ in our leader's swaying hips."

"I do not!"

"Then you just enjoy looking."

"I do—no—I mean, I don't, well I admit that her…no!" Alistair shook his head, "I am not going to respond to this conversation in anyway."

"So you do admit to watching," Wynne smiled sweetly, "I think it's cute that you like her, but be warned Alistair."

"Be warned about what?"

"If you think of pursuing a relationship with a fellow Warden in a time like this," she stopped walking and grabbed his arm gently, "That at any given moment you could lose the other."

"We're fighters, warriors, Wardens," Alistair looked towards Raelyn, "We're both fully aware of the risks…" he realized what he said and looked back at Wynne, "I mean, I'm aware…I'm aware what could…" he trailed off sighing, "Don't tell the others."

"The others as in Morrigan, Sten, and Zevran?" Wynne asked.

"Especially Morrigan and Zevran," Alistair's eyes grew with begging.

"I won't say anything, but I must speak to Raelyn as soon as possible," Wynne said.

"Wait, why?"

"I need to know just what her intentions are with you," Wynne's brow furrowed, "I may not know you well enough Alistair to be protective, but I feel as if I should. Oh Maker, I will talk to her and find out the truth."

"There is nothing to find out, I trust her," Alistair tried, but it didn't seem to work.

Wynne shook her head, "I have to know for sure…maybe once we defeat Witherfang I can speak with her."

Alistair didn't respond therefore the older woman walked away leaving the lone male to think in silence, but it didn't last long.

"Alistair!" Raelyn's sweet voice filled the destroyed hall and he looked in her direction to see her standing with the two mages, "Don't just sit and ponder the world, come join us."

"I'm coming," Alistair stood for a second longer before running to catch up to them.

)()()()()(

Alistair's eyes opened in a snap and he sat up just as fast to look around the camp area. The group had stopped on their way to Frostback by Lake Calenhad in hopes of getting some rest before walking into something they'd regret being tired for. His eyes scanned the area trying to decipher just what was askew, but his eyes settled on Raelyn who slept across from the fire and his nerves numbed. He looked up at the full moon realizing he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep; quietly as he could he made his way to the lake's shore. Without a second thought he stripped down to nothing and moments later he was fully submerged in cool clean water. When he came back up for air he stood motionless with the water stopping just above his waist and his eyes staring out at the open water. He lifted his hands from the water to look at them, but paler hands coming around from behind him caught his attention. They didn't touch his skin until they were able to clasp onto his shoulders and pull their owner's body against his back; their face resting on his shoulder blade.

"What are you thinking about?" Her voice wasn't full of prying, but of worry…compassion.

"Everything," Alistair felt his heart begin to race in beats at the feel of her against him, "The Blight…Duncan…Arl Eamon…the archdemon…us."

"Us as in the party or _us _as in…" her finger's twitched against his skin.

"Us as in you and me," Alistair said softly.

"What about us?"

"Are you…" Alistair took a deep breath, "Are you sure about it?"

"Alistair," the way she said his name made his nerves bounce, "I lost everything and everyone. I don't know what's real enough for me to be sure of…I can't be sure that my brother is still alive, I can't be sure that anywhere is safe, but I know one thing I'm sure about…even in all of this mess."

"That we're all going to die?" Alistair asked as he tried to control his unsteady breathing.

Raelyn laughed calmly and let her hands fall from his shoulders; the water moved as she did to come around in front of him, "That I can't be sure of either, but Alistair…"

He had averted his eyes once she was completely in front of him, already bloody nervous as hell, "What?"

Raelyn's hands reached up to grab his face to turn it back to look into her eyes and she smiled lightly, "You are the only thing I am sure about, don't make me sit here and ponder such a question. And don't raise the question in your head that I'm only with you because of this Blight, because it's not Alistair. I'm with you here and now because I want to be…you were the last deciding factor in me becoming a Warden."

Alistair's eyes widened slightly, "R-really?"

She nodded biting her bottom lip while dropping her hands to his chest, "So please stop acting weird; it makes me feel as if I did something wrong."

"It's not that I swear," Alistair cleared his throat uncomfortably, "It's just that…well…you're um…this is awkward for me just a bit."

Raelyn chuckled pressing closer to him to stretch up and kiss his neck, "Then don't let it be awkward…just accept it."

Alistair slowly started to bring his arms up around her when he stopped to ask a question, "Are you sure?"

Raelyn reached one hand up to grab the back of his head pulling it down kissing him harshly.

Alistair pulled away with a small grin, "I guess that answers my question." He brought his lips back down on hers and finally allowed himself to wrap one arm around her waist while the other's hand rested against her cheek. The water rippled with the movement and small waves sprung to life as Raelyn locked her arms around his neck and Alistair swooped one hand under the water to scoop her up into his arms.

"Alistair, I want you to…I want it to be you," Raelyn hushed out as he carried her easily back to shore, "Please."

"I was going to say the same thing to you," Alistair laughed nervously, "but I guess that settles it then."

They reached the shore passing an abandoned boat on the way from which Alistair grabbed an old sheet; he laid it best he could on the sandy ground and got to his knees to lay Raelyn on it. Her hands stayed loosely connected behind his head as he moved to hover over her, "Maker's breath," Alistair breathed out, "you're so beautiful." With that he captured her lips gently in his while carefully coming down on her; she made a small noise and he pulled back to look at her, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Raelyn reassured, "It just hurts a bit…"

"Do you want to stop?" Alistair asked.

"No," Raelyn shook her head, "Now is the only time we might ever have and, Maker forgive, but I can't wait any longer."

"I don't want to hurt you," Alistair whispered.

"Go slow, I'll be fine," Raelyn touched his cheek gently; "The pain will be worth it."

Alistair couldn't help, but smile slightly, "How is it you make something so unclean sound so pure?"

"A gift I possess," Raelyn lifted her legs past his hips ever so slightly and readjusted herself under him, "Okay."

Alistair's lips found hers again in a twist of kisses doing his best to distract her from the pain; his lips moved to her neck peppering it generously as she bit her bottom lip and dug nails into his shoulder blade fighting back tears. Alistair reached under her with an arm and sat up taking her with until she was almost sitting on his lap; his hands found her waist to keep her up while hers cupped this side of his neck and cheek kissing him deeper than they've kissed before. A hunger for lust swarmed them both and carefully he finished lowering her onto him getting her to pull her lips away and gasp in quiet pain. Alistair grabbed her face in his hands pressing their foreheads together, "How you doing, my dear?"

Her response came with grabbing his face forcing their lips back together.

Alistair, once again, wrapped an arm around her waist and turned with her to place her on her back; his hands went to either side of her head before bringing his right forearm under Raelyn's head while his left hand grabbed her waist. Then slowly he pulled partially out of her, but with the same speed reentered her getting a groan of pain. Alistair continued to do this while kissing her neck, jaw, and lips, but finally her hands pushed against his shoulder blades.

"Alistair," her voice was so quiet, so sweet, so innocent…

Alistair let go of her hip to move it next to her shoulder in hopes of helping him keep stability as he pulled out further and went back in with a little more speed, but instead of a groan of pain he was given a moan of, what he hoped, pleasure. The noise came again as he increased his rhythm of rocks into her. As he pulled out again his arm holding him up gave way and his entrance back into her was moved to an angle; she gasped loudly digging her nails into his skin. His mind began to cloud at the very sound and his own pleasure began to build; he huffed closing his eyes.

Raelyn hooked her legs around Alistair's pulling him in deeper with each thrust; she arched her head back exposing her neck to his lips, "Alistair." The quiet was vanishing, the sweetness now passionate, and the innocence now needing.

Alistair kissed her again, but this time mainly to keep them as quiet as he could in their moment of lust. Their hearts hammered against the other's chest and their breathing increased along with Alistair's thrusts. Alistair's lips could no longer concentrate on the kiss he had been attempting to control, but instead they fell open to let out a small moan. She regained control of the kiss holding his face tightly as their breath and moans mingled, but finally her hold went limp and the hands returned to his back drawing warm liquid from the skin; her face drew together and she gave another sound mixed between a grunt and a gasp. She tightened around Alistair sending the male Warden over the edge into bliss with her right in harmony. He collapsed completely on top of her.

Raelyn's arms slipped to the ground as she gasped to regain breath lost from their activity; Alistair doing the same, but finally he began to chuckle slightly, "What…are…you laughing at?"

Alistair pressed off the ground, slid out of her and got out from between her legs to sit down looking out at the water, "That was the most energy I've used throughout this whole Blight. You are definitely a battle to be won, but I'll fight that any day…"

Raelyn's arms came around his waist and her cheek pressed against his back, "Did they teach you that in the Chantry?"

Alistair laughed again, "Yeah, right."

Raelyn sighed, "My mother would never let me live this down if she were still alive…sex before marriage."

"I think she would've understood," Alistair turned his head slightly to look at the top of hers, "Because like you said: When are we going to have any other time?"

She tilted her head to look up at him, "This was not at all how imagined it would be."

Alistair frowned slightly, "Pardon?"

"I always imagined my husband carrying me into our bedroom and romancing me right out of my clothes, but this…" Raelyn's eyes seemed to sparkle with joy, "but then I met you and, bless the Maker, Alistair, I didn't care about any of that, I just knew I wanted to be with you."

"See my idea of how my first time included…well, never," Alistair admitted, "Because frankly…I never thought I'd meet someone, but then there was you. The girl who swooped in and stole my ability to think straight."

"I thought _swooping_ was bad?" Raelyn smirked.

Alistair smiled, "Depends on the thing swooping. You, my dear, are the greatest thing that can swoop."

"How charming," Raelyn rolled her eyes ready to add more when a gust of wind brushed over them making her shiver, "Oh my…"

Alistair frowned at the non-seeable wind before unlatching Raelyn's arms to stand up; pulling her with, "C'mon."

Moments later they were both wiped clean by the sheet and dressed in their armor heading back to the fire hand in hand. They stopped by her bedroll and he kissed her cheek softly before going to his own already unrolled blankets. He lied down and stared at the black sky for what only seemed to be seconds as his eyelids grew heavy drawing in a deep, dreamless sleep with the taste of a noble still on his tongue.

)()~()~()~()~()(

_And the day draws to a close…_

Alistair remembered waking up the next day trying to convince his mind that it was all a dream and the he needed to stop thinking of Raelyn that way, but then she smiled a smile so sweet that even the evilest of men would grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness; the smile was meant for him. It was when he knew it _had_ happened. All of it. He went to her, picked her off the ground, and spun her around making her laugh and the others stare in slight confusion…he didn't care.

"Alistair," the king jumped in his chair hitting his book off the table. The person who had startled him sighed, "You would think that after all that time in the Blight, you'd be less jumpy."

"Well. I'm not used to elderly mages sneaking up on me in the library," Alistair didn't look back at her and instead leaned forward resting his elbows on the table, followed by his face into his hands, "What do _you_ want, Wynne?"

"Don't use that tone of voice with me," Wynne hissed.

Alistair sighed and lifted his head to exuberantly reply with exaggeration, "What can I possibly do for you on this glorious day, Wynne?" He threw her a fake smile over his shoulder, but he didn't see anger in her face only powerful concern, "Please don't look at me like that."

"I'm worried about you," she admitted faintly, "Morrigan, came to talk to me."

"Morrigan, yes, about her…Why is she here anyways? I thought she left before our huge battle against the archdemon? Said she'd never return, yet she did. Right afterwards. No help given, just a sad sorry to add with all the others given to me along with that stupid, blasted rose."

"She came back because she believed she had to do something in return for leaving," Wynne stated, "She gave you that rose because it was the one thing Raelyn kept with her always…the one thing she refused to leave behind."

"It mocks me with its never dying life every morning, Wynne. For the past three years I have gotten up, stared at it, and wondered how such a small thing could live for so long, something that should have died long ago. Why can something so insignificant have the ability to live while she doesn't! Why can't either of you bring her back!"

"There was a chance to do so," Wynne walked further into the room, "Not bring her back, but stop her from dying; stop both of you from dying."

"Both of us…if only I had knew then what I know now," Alistair stood up shaking his head to turn towards Wynne, "Why didn't I know that then?"

"Alistair, what did Riordan tell you?" Wynne asked him the one question she never asked, because she was afraid of hurting him by doing so.

Alistair stared at her silently for a minute then slowly responded, "I…didn't go see Riordan."

"What?" Wynne hadn't known this. In all these years she assumed Alistair went with Raelyn to speak to the eldest Grey Warden at the time and he had lied to them…for years she had hated a dead man for something he didn't do, "What do you mean you didn't go?"

"Eamon wanted to speak with me," Alistair dropped his head, "I told Raelyn I'd be along shortly if she would wait, but she told me she'd go and talk to Riordan then tell me about it afterwards. So afterwards came. She came to my bedroom looking ashen, shook, and scared. I asked her of what he said to her, but she held up a finger. I waited for ten minutes in silence as she sat on my bed, thinking…just thinking. Finally she looked at me and said, '_I love you, Alistair. You know that, right?_' I thought it was a stupid question and began to laugh, but the severity on her face cut me short, she was serious. I knelt down in front of her and took her hand telling her that yes I did know, and that I loved her too. She touched my cheek with a frail smile then told me of how the archdemon can die only by the hands of Riordan or her. I didn't understand at first, but then she told me of the ultimate sacrifice…the sacrifice which would end either of their lives. I grew frantic, stood up and demanded to know why I didn't make that list. She stood up to hold my face, Maker did she have this way of calming me down; she looked at me with those sad, begging eyes and said that it was my blood. Why did I believe that? How did I believe that? I feel so stupid to have believed that!"

"She was a master of persuasion, Alistair," Wynne replied softly, "She tricked even the best of us into believing what was good for us."

Alistair didn't respond.

"And what of Morrigan?"

Alistair snorted, lifted his head, and crossed his arms, "Morrigan. Right, the one who could save her? Raelyn said that before coming to my room she had spoken to Morrigan about a ritual, a blood ritual. She said that the ritual could save her life if it came to her needing to kill the archdemon, a ritual which concluded in me bedding Morrigan. She explained it all to me about the archdemon, the soul, the vessel, the child…my child. It didn't make sense again because that child would contain my blood, blood the archdemon would refuse…Raelyn said that it was the darkspawn blood still new in my body which would make up most of the 'Old God' Morrigan wanted."

"You didn't do it because it would've been _your_ bastard child?"

"No, that wasn't it at all," Alistair shook his head frantically, but then stopped sighing, "It was part of the reason…the main reason was because Raelyn didn't want me to do it. I tried to convince her otherwise that she'd have to…just in case Riordan fell. She wouldn't have it, she in _return_ convinced me that he wouldn't and she'd live on to be my Queen, my wife. We went to Morrigan together; I told her that I wasn't going to go through with the ritual. She said that we were taking a great risk by not doing it, Raelyn said there was no risk and she knew what she was doing. Morrigan didn't fight it any further and said good-bye then left. Raelyn and I returned to my bedroom where she reassured me one last time that all would be fine, that tomorrow would be a victory…tomorrow after it was all over she would be at my side. We spent the night holding each other…if I had known…if I had only known," Alistair choked back a cry of anger, "Had I only know that, that was going to be our last night together I would've told her exactly how I felt, how much I loved her, how much I needed her, and how much I was willing to give up to have her live."

"She wanted you to live so you—"

"Could be King," Alistair glared slightly at her, "I know, but what does it matter? I go do all that ruling nonsense only to come back and realize just how broken I am without her. She was to rule at my side, Wynne...she was mine to hold every night until _both_ of our times came, and she was to be the mother of my children, my heirs; heirs the Eamon and the Council all say are needed just in case something were to happen to me. But do you know what I'd have to do in order to have an heir?"

"Marry."

"Find a woman, marry her, bed her, and all for what? A child that everyone else thinks is so damn important?"

"It would be your child."

"It would be the child of someone I don't love."

"Have you considered that maybe Raelyn would want you to move on?"

Alistair gawked at her, "Even if I knew that answer I wouldn't be able to. The mother of my unborn children lies lifeless under dirt and stone…not walking around living her life. I told them that if I were to die Connor would take over in my place."

"Are you sure about that?"

"It's better than their plan."

"They want you, too, to be happy."

Alistair sneered walking towards her then past; stopping at the door, "Of all people, Wynne, I thought you'd be the most understanding…" With that the bitter king left the aging mage in silence.

Alistair made it to his bedroom only to grab a chair and toss it against the wall breaking it into many pieces; he looked around finding another doing the same. He went next for the mirror on the wall throwing it onto the floor causing it to shatter sending shards everywhere. His hands went next to the books on a shelf whipping them across the room shouting loudly as he did so. His emotions had escalated to a maximum level of sadness threatening with needles at his tear ducts. He huffed angrily crossing to where his sword leant in a corner, he unsheathed it and went towards the glass dome on the side table; he lifted the sword above his head and readjusted his grip staring down at it. His fingers fixed on a new position on the handle as his eyes burned and heart bled with anger, "Why did you leave me, Rae? Why did you have to die?"

The rose stayed motionless in its glass imprisonment as snow fell silently around it.

Alistair collapsed to his knees; the sword falling to the ground next to him. He stared at the only thing left of her and the loneliness of three years finally crashed down on him, "Every day brings me light, but every day brings me darkness for in the darkening hours I think of you; it is then when I miss you the most. Here I am, once again finding myself thinking of you, with each hour the sun sets closer to darkness, with each hour I am longer without you, with each hour my heart breaks more, with each hour the light disappears and the day draws to a close…"

**A/N: Hey you finished reading it! Sweet! Now...review. ;D**


	3. The Amulet

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age...though a real Alistair wouldn't hurt to have around...**

**A/N:** **Once again one of the conversations belongs to the game, but it fit and I giggle every time so yeah. Anywho, I guess I should tell you where those random lines are coming from (_When the silence beckons, etc..._) Anathema's song Inner Silence...(Anathema is the life and soul of music for me. Their son One Last Good-Bye is a great reason behind this too)...I thought I'd share.**

"Easy there son, you might break your sword in two if you don't lie off on that pressure," Oghern grunted grabbing Alistair's wrist prying the hand off the blade's end in hopes of the kid not destroying, but Alistair didn't move or respond, "Hey, kid." Oghern turned his head in the direction the Warden was looking and chuckled slightly to see Raelyn and Zevran a few yards off. Zevran stood behind the girl with his hands around her wrists, chest against her back, chin just above her shoulder, and whispering into her ear as he moved her arms carefully in different directions. This is what the Assassin called _teaching_, "That elf is quite the charmer, is he not?"

"I wouldn't know," Alistair said through clenched teeth bringing his hand back to the blade resting it atop the cloth there and pressing his back harder against the tree behind him.

"If he keeps it up he might get lucky," Oghern elbowed him in the side, "If you catch my meaning."

Alistair's face grew intense with a violent glare directed at the Antivan elf, "He won't."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, he's going to go for the ol' sliding hands trick," Oghern nodded towards him, "Watch."

Alistair did so with great restraint as the elf's hands slid up the noble's arms, down her shoulders, around her waist, and slowly up her stomach; the silverite chainmail making it difficult to feel the hands' presence. After that it all happened so quick that neither Alistair nor Oghern had time to blink and register it.

Zevran shook his head out and propped himself up on his elbows to look up at the furious Warden standing over him, "Oh, so you like it rough?"

Raelyn crossed her arms over her chest, "I like it all sorts of ways, but not when it includes having to cheat."

"Cheat? Who said anything about cheating?" Zevran scoffed, "I'm not married or seeing anybody."

"I didn't mean you," Raelyn's eyes narrowed in bitterness.

"Don't try playing the marriage trick on me," Zevran said smugly, "I know when a girl is married…and you are not, besides I don't smile upon cheating either."

Raelyn turned towards Alistair and Oghern, dropped her arms, and started towards them.

"Oh, this can't be good," Oghern muttered watching the advancing female, "Quick, make like we weren't watching." He went back to fervently cleaning his axe, but Alistair kept his eyes on Raelyn.

Alistair moved the sword off his lap placing it on the ground to stand up straight slowly so that when she was in front of him he didn't have to talk _up_ at her, but talking wasn't her intentions as she became within an arm's reach of him. Instantly she was pulling his face to hers kissing him with so much built up anger that it raged a part of Alistair's mind causing him to spin her around and slam her into the large trunk of the tree.

Oghern snickered, "I think he got farther than you elf."

Zevran snorted loudly, "Ha! Maybe this round, but the next I'll have her singing to Andraste."

"Really, because from the looks of that," Oghern jabbed his thumb in the air towards the two, "I'd think he'd already had."

"A mere bastard raised in the Chantry?"

"That's royal bastard to you," Alistair said loudly between his lips leaving hers to go after her neck.

"Oh, how lovely I just ate dinner and now I can see it again _after _I vomit," Morrigan had just entered the area and her voice pried the two Wardens apart, "Some of us would like to keep our suppers down, and _not_ become ill."

"And some of us would like to get you a muzzle," Alistair mumbled keeping his eyes connected with Raelyn's, "But that can't always be the solution, so if you don't mind I'm going to kill two birds with one stone here." Alistair went to kiss her again, but this time much softer and caring.

"Can't I leave you children alone for one minute?" Wynne's voice broke the two apart again, "It seems no matter what or where we are, you are all always bickering."

"We only bicker because we care," Zevran said from the ground.

"What are you doing on the ground?" Wynne asked.

"I was rejected…can I cry on your bosom?" Zevran grinned.

Wynne sighed ignoring him to look at Oghern, "Aren't you the eldest here? Shouldn't you be doing your best to keep them in order?"

"I'm a warrior not a babysitter lady," Oghern grumbled standing up, "I came here to fight, not play daddy to a bunch of young pups."

"You know what!" Alistair voiced, "I have a solution."

"As do I," Wynne folded her arms across her chest.

"But—"

Wynne held up a finger, "I need to speak with Raelyn about the matters of returning to the Circle and ask them about the Dwarf girl we spoke to."

Raelyn slid past Alistair not saying anything.

"Why can't you talk to us all?" Alistair asked.

"Because I want to talk to her about it just being the two of us traveling there," Wynne responded.

"What?" Alistair gaped, "Are you mad? There's thousands of darkspawn out there!"

"And we'll be fine," Wynne sighed looking at Raelyn, "Can we talk, please?"

"I can't let you go out there by yourselves," Alistair stood his ground.

"We won't be leaving until morning," Wynne dropped her arms, "We'll discuss it as a party then, but for now I must speak to Raelyn."

"Rae," Alistair tried, but the girl touched his arm sympathetically then followed Wynne away from them all.

"You must not be a good enough—" Zevran, who had walked over at one point, stopped short at the glare given by Alistair, "I'm just going to go over by the fire."

"I think I'm going to go find Sten, a little quiet might do my mind well," Morrigan left quickly.

Alistair's eyes found Raelyn one last time before she vanished inside Wynne's tent. He cursed under his breath and turned to trump further away from camp, but he didn't expect to be followed.

"So. With the boss, aye?" Oghern's question caught Alistair off guard almost causing him to trip over his own feet.

"Pardon?"

"You and the boss," Oghern nodded back towards the tents, "Rolling your oats."

"I don't know—"

"Polishing the footstones."

"—what you're—"

"Tapping the midnight still, if you will."

Alistair finally stopped walking to stand in front of the dwarf; crossing his arms, "What are you going on about?"

Oghern shrugged, "Forging the moaning statue. Bucking the forbidden horse," he smirked slyly, "Donning the velvet hat."

Alistair closed his eyes and drew his face together in awkward realization, "Are you making those up right now?"

"Nope," Oghern beamed, "Been saving 'em."

Alistair nodded licking his lips, "Right, right…well thank you for sharing them with me…it was…enlightening to know that there is so many different ways to ask such a question."

"No need to thank me," Oghern kept his grin as Alistair turned to keep walking; Oghern right next to him, "So, uh, what did you do with her legs?"

Alistair looked down at him, "Whose legs?"

"Her legs," Oghern rolled his eyes pointing a finger over his shoulder, but he sighed dropping the arm, "That's the problem with dwarven legs. They're useless as an accessory."

Alistair didn't understand at first being as Raelyn wasn't dwarven, but human, and as for her legs, "I didn't do anything with them. I don't know what—"

"Ah," Oghern held up a hand, "Say no more. Just got 'em outta the way and went about your business," Oghern chuckled nodding in approval, "Good on, son."

"Uhm," Alistair cleared his throat, "Thanks."

Oghern chuckled, "You got yourself a mighty fine woman there, boy, but I'd watch your back if I were you. I think that elf has his eyes on her and if you don't want her 'tra-la-la-ing' through a field of flowers I suggest you up your game."

"And why do you care?"

"That elf gives me this dreadful feeling inside," Oghern shivered, "and I don't like him hanging around…so far I think it's only because of her."

"I told Rae we should've left him for dead, but…"

"But she's a good soul, yeah, a brave one at that," Oghern sighed, "He's shifty. I don't trust him. You shouldn't either."

"Trust _me_ when I say I don't," Alistair growled quietly.

"You realize that tomorrow we can't let them go off by themselves, right?" Oghern asked.

"So you agree with me?"

"Hell, we all agree with you, but that witch is too stubborn to admit it, the elf too much of an ass, the Qunari too quiet, and the dog don't speak English."

"Then why is Wynne so set on just the two of them?"

Oghern stopped walking, "You can't see it?"

Alistair stopped a few feet ahead of him and looked back, "See what?"

"She's trying to put space between the two of you."

"Space?" Alistair snorted, "You all just found out about us!"

"Ha! We've known for some time now!" Oghern beamed.

"You just got here three days ago!" Alistair pointed out.

"It doesn't take Andraste's ghost to see there's something between you two," Oghern kept the smile, "The way you look at her when you think no one is watching reminds me of when I first meet Branka. Pure infatuation is what you hold."

"Infatu—no—this isn't something that just sprung on me because she was willing to take me, no…it's been building inside me since the moment I met her. I'm not _infatuated_."

"Then what are you?" Oghern crossed his arms.

"I'm—I'm," Alistair dropped his head, "I'm not sure…"

The wind blew through the trees in the midst of the silence letting the younger of the two sort through his thoughts, but finally he found words; he lifted his head, "Why are you helping me?"

"I lost my Branka because I couldn't protect her," Oghern's facial features hardened, "and I loved her. I want you to decide what you feel towards this girl so that you can realize just how much you are willing to do to protect her."

Alistair stared at him in small shock. He'd been unaware of this side of Oghern, sure they've known each other for such a short amount of time, but the small warrior was brutal and cold, not careful and warm. It was strange, but Alistair took the help with a nod, "Thank you, Oghern."

"Ah," Oghern waved his hands at him, "Don't get all sympathetic on me." He pointed a finger at him, "Now, we never had this conversation…understand?"

"Understood," Alistair promised, "Wouldn't want the rest of camp to find out you're actually a big softy."

Oghern growled.

Alistair held his hands up in defense, "Alright, I'm sorry. I take it back."

Oghern smirked, "Just be careful."

"I will," Alistair lowered his arms slowly ready to add more when a new voice entered the equation from a ways off.

"Alistair!"

The two looked towards the direction of the voice then back at the other and Oghern sighed, "Go on."

Alistair nodded thanks then hurried back towards the camp coming out a few feet from where Raelyn was calling for him.

"There you are," Raelyn smiled slyly walking towards him; "I was beginning to worry that you ran off to rejoin the Chantry."

Alistair smiled largely, "They wouldn't accept me back, besides I don't want to go back. What do you need, my dear?"

She stopped fully in front of him, "Would you care to share a tent this fine evening?"

Alistair's heart soared at the question and he swallowed nervously, "Share? As in—"

"As in you and me," her hands slid up his splintmill armor, "together in one tent," her hands went to his neck pulling it down so to allow her lips to brush over his, "alone…"

Alistair closed his eyes and leaned into her, but she pulled back dropping her hands sighing heavily.

"Though I guess if you don't want to," she reached her arms above her head stretching them, "I could just go to sleep."

"But I'm tentless," Alistair pouted dramatically.

"Not my problem," she turned with a smile going to her tent leaving Alistair with his jaw dropped.

"Did I say something wrong?" Alistair called after her, "Wrong flirtatious step?"

"Well you're no Dairren!" Raelyn shouted back just as she disappeared into her tent.

"Dairren?" Alistair's brow drew together, "Now who the hell is that?" He walked over to the tent and crawled in without wait, "Who's Dairren?"

Raelyn looked over her shoulder at him, "Don't you know how to knock?"

"Did you want me to go back out and knock on the cloth?" Alistair raised his eyebrows.

"There's no need to be smart," she looked back the other way taking her gloves off.

"Who's Dairren?" Alistair asked again.

"He was a squire to my father before the Blight," Raelyn started next on the armor on her shoulders, "A squire who was set on flattering me."

"And did it work?"

"It would've," Raelyn sighed, "if it weren't for Arl Howe's men attacking us and killing him. I'd only managed to kiss him before everything went to hell."

"Oh," Alistair felt a sudden wave of uneasiness wash over him.

"I guess you could say that one day I might've married him," Raelyn admitted, "but…you know…that couldn't happen."

"No, I suppose not," Alistair bit his lip.

Raelyn must've sensed the sudden change of mood in him and she spun back around slowly onto all fours crawling towards him, "Are you jealous of Dairren?"

"What?" Alistair forced a laugh, "I'm not jealous of a dead man; that would be absurd."

"Then stop acting as such," Raelyn ordered calmly, "and get undressed so we can sleep."

"Sleep? That exists in this camp?" Alistair gasped.

"Don't be a bastard," Raelyn crawled backwards to finish getting undressed.

"I was born that way," Alistair stated turning back to tie the tent shut, "Besides I thought it was more _thrilling_ to know this about me, at least that's what you told me way back when we started this whole adventure."

"Alistair, can you stop talking?" She asked the question sweetly with harshness to it and Alistair abided without hurt.

Once Alistair had finally removed his own armor he looked back at Raelyn to see her propped up on her elbows staring at him, "What?"

She gave him a cunning smile, "Nothing."

Alistair licked his lips and moved to sit next to her; he started to draw his knees up when Raelyn swung a leg over him to straddle his hips, "Oh, hello there."

"What's wrong?" Raelyn rested her hands on his shoulders to stare at him with intensity.

"Nothing, why do you ask?" Alistair answered.

"You seem out of place," Raelyn gently touched his cheek, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Maker's breath," Alistair reached up to hold her face, "You've done nothing wrong."

"Then what is the matter?"

"I-I…" Alistair sighed dropping his hands, "I guess lots of things…"

Raelyn moved her hands to his chest staying quiet, waiting.

"First there's this going to the Circle tomorrow with only you and Wynne," Alistair started, "She's doing it on purpose, you know? Making you leave me behind."

"Alistair, I take you everywhere," Raelyn smiled softly, "What makes you think I'm going to leave you behind?"

"So, does she know this?"

"Yes," Raelyn sighed, "Though she doesn't like the idea in the least…"

"She'll get over it," Alistair said.

"So, what else is bothering you?"

"We got all of our allies," Alistair answered.

"And that bothers you?" Raelyn lifted an eyebrow.

"No, no," Alistair groaned, "It means we have to return to Redcliffe and speak to Arl Eamon."

"And that's bad?" Raelyn's face stayed in a confused demeanor.

"Well, kind of yes," Alistair admitted, "Because that means the Landsmeet…which in return means…"

"Trying to convince everyone to make you King," Raelyn filled in, "And that's the last thing you want."

"Exactly," Alistair agreed, "My life isn't with high nobles and councils, ruling the kingdom. My life is with the Grey Wardens…with you."

"Ferelden needs you as their King," Raelyn hushed.

"What about you? I can't have you cast me aside like that."

"Who said I'd be the one casting?" Raelyn asked quietly.

Alistair let it ponder in his head staring into her saddening eyes, "Oh," his realization sprung him, "You think that…"

She only looked at him.

"No, I would never," Alistair whispered.

"You might not get that choice," Raelyn forced a smile, "You might end up having to marry some high Arl's noble daughter."

"I don't want to marry _some_ girl," Alistair muttered, "I don't even know if I ever want to get married, but that doesn't change the fact I want to stay with you."

"You're changing the subject," Raelyn inhaled, "Alistair, you must become King for the greater good of Ferelden and you mustn't worry of what will happen to me if that goes through."

"So in other words we might as well stop with…with whatever this is and go back to being _just_ Wardens?" something inside Alistair started to pull and strain, "Act like we never fell for each other in the midst of the Blight, pretend we never kissed, forget what happened only days ago? If you're implying that…I don't think I could do that."

"That's not what I mean at all," Raelyn's brow drew together in frustration, "Why must you assume I'm going to just leave you like some whore who was looking for a thrill?" she pushed off his chest to get off of him and crawled a foot away; turning her back to him, "I'm not like that. When are you going to see that?"

Alistair closed his eyes, "I know you're not like that, I never thought you were, but I don't understand what you're trying to tell me."

She looked at him turning her body as she did so to rest on her knees, "Then let me explain because I don't want that to happen." Her eyes had grown large, liquid like, "You've become a part of me, Alistair and there is no way of letting you go. It hurts so much to think of what will happen if you become King. I find myself thinking about it more and more with each passing day, like: What if he bores of me? What if he finds someone else? What if I'm not good enough after all this? What if the Blight is the only thing keeping us together?"

"Blessed Andraste," Alistair cursed quietly and mentally slapped himself for being so stupid. This brave warrior in front of him was crumbling to pieces because he had said the wrong thing; he'd never seen this side of her before…and he didn't know what to do, "Rae…I would never…"

"Alistair, please…let's just not talk about it," Raelyn begged turning away again, but this time pulling a blanket with to wrap around her, "I think it be best for the both of us if you slept in your own tent."

"Raelyn, don't do this," Alistair said calmly, "We'll stop talking about it, but don't kick me out…I'm already undressed and don't have my tent set up yet."

"Then I'll go somewhere else."

"Where?"

"I don't know. Morrigan's tent. Wynne's tent," she eyed him cautiously over her shoulder, "Zevran's tent…"

Alistair sighed, "I guess this can't wait."

"What can't wait?" Raelyn tried to make it sound like she was barely interested, but her eyes sparkled with curiosity.

"I was going to wait until it was just the two of us," Alistair paused, "In happier terms, but it can't wait any longer." He reached up behind his neck to unhook the chain connected to his mother's amulet, "When I was little this elderly woman who served Arl Eamon told me of how one day when I was older I would meet this woman and she'd be like no other before her. She'll be smart, beautiful, strong, ravishing, and keeping me on my toes with every word. This woman, she had said, will become the essence of my mind," he held the chain in one hand staring at the amulet, "and not thinking of her will become close to nearly impossible. I told her she was daft and that I wasn't going to find someone. She put a hand on my shoulder smiling gently and said 'Alistair, when you meet this girl, when you know what she is worth to you, nothing you already have in your possession will be worth more than her to your heart. She will become that prized item of your soul…be sure that she knows this…make sure she knows you care about her'. Once again I called her dim-witted and ridiculous, but she only smiled and patted me on the head. I was too young to understand back then, but it never left me," Alistair looked at Raelyn, "and now I finally understand what she meant."

Raelyn blinked in silence, but slowly turned around still clutching the blanket tight to her.

"I-I want you to have this," Alistair held it out to her until she revealed a pale hand for him to drop it in, "It has been the most cherished thing in my life since you found it for me, but then…I opened my eyes to everything else and finally saw _you_."

Raelyn's eyes gazed at the amulet and she bit her lip biting back advancing tears. She ran her other hand over it, "Alistair…"

Alistair reached over to gently take it from her hands and waited as she turned her back to him so he could place it around her neck. Once he had clipped it she turned back towards him and he touched her face, "Maker's breath, you truly are beautiful."

"So you've said," Raelyn a small smile started to reappear on her lips, "Countless number of times, might I add."

Alistair chuckled, "I can't help it."

"Can we forget that we ever had that argument?"

"What argument?"

Raelyn smiled, "Thank you."

"For what? Being suave and cunning?"

"No, more like awkward and nervous," Raelyn giggled.

"I thought we established already that I am neither of those."

"Really is that so?" Raelyn slid a hand to the back of his neck.

"Well, I guess I can be such when I'm around you," Alistair admitted, "but that's because…no, never mind."

"Because why?" Raelyn's left hand rested on Alistair's right shoulder.

"Because I…well you see I," Alistair closed his eyes taking a deep breath, "Because…" he opened them to find himself staring into hers, "Because I love you."

Raelyn's jaw fell slightly and her fingers twitched against his skin. "You do?"

"I think I have for a while, I mean I assumed you had figured that out, but just saying it means so much more. So yes, I love you, Raelyn."

Her eyes lit up with adoration and she kissed him deeply before resting her forehead to his; whispering, "I love you too, Alistair."

Alistair held her face gently and pulled back, "But what about Zevran?"

"What about Zevran?"

"I just, I thought…maybe you and him—"

"Did you not see me knock him to the ground?" Raelyn asked, "Alistair, there is nothing between us! Zevran will try to get with anyone!" She moved her hands to his chest and pressed back on him until he was on his back; she crawled onto him sitting on his hips, "Do you think I would've given myself to you like I did if I had intentions of chasing after an elf?"

"Well, I had to be certain…" Alistair mumbled propping himself up on his elbows, "I wanted to be sure that I was your choice."

"I just confessed my love to you," Raelyn frowned, "Do you not believe me?"

"It's not that, I swear!" Alistair groaned and put a hand over his eyes, "I'm a very jealous man apparently; I never got the chance to be jealous until you…so I hadn't realized it."

"It's alright to be jealous," Raelyn inched her hands up to his shoulders, "Even if it does seem to make you a possessive bastard."

Alistair slid his hand off his face to be met with her waiting eyes; his own drifted to the amulet hanging down from her neck, "Would it be completely wrong of me to say that my only thought at the moment is you wearing nothing, but that amulet?"

Raelyn snickered, "It was your mother's…"

"Yes, I know, but you would look so ravishing with just that on," Alistair lifted an eyebrow, "So, what do you say?"

She leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "Ma nuvenin, emma lath." She leaned back to smile at him.

"Was that Elven for: I don't think so, you idiot?" Alistair asked with a half grin.

Raelyn laughed, "No, it was Elven for: As you wish, my love. Stop ruining the moment."

"_Your_ wish is my command," Alistair grinned.

Sometime later, after the moon had reached its peak in the sky, Raelyn had fallen asleep on Alistair's chest with his arms encasing her waist. She shivered in her sleep and Alistair removed one hand to reach over grabbing the blanket to throw over them, but as he did so her eyes fluttered open to look at him, "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Promise me something, Alistair," her sudden alertness worried the man slightly, but he nodded, "That no matter what happens…we won't forget the other."

"Nothing is going to happen to either us. Don't say—"

"Promise me."

Alistair stayed quiet searching her eyes for an explanation, but found nothing, "Raelyn, darling…"

"Alistair, please."

Alistair gave a grim nod, "Alright, I promise."

"Thank you."

"But now you have to make me a promise."

She waited.

"Promise you won't leave me…"

Raelyn blinked at him, but then he watched as it settled, "Alistair," she pushed off his chest to look at him sadly, "_You know_ I can't make that promise, just as you can't."

"Just promise me…for my mind's sake."

Raelyn's face grew depressed, "I can't."

Alistair sat up forcing her to do the same, "Then promise me you'll try your hardest not to."

Raelyn bit her lip.

"You _can_ promise me that," Alistair pointed out.

Raelyn gave a hesitant pause, but finally spoke, "I promise you Alistair that I will."

Alistair took her hand from his chest to kiss the palm, "Thank you."

They stayed silent for a minute until Raelyn spoke again, "By the way…I don't forgive you for waking me up…even if the cold was more of a factor in it."

Alistair gawked at her, "What? I was only trying to keep you warm."

"No excuses now lie back down," Raelyn demanded sweetly, "I want my pillow back."

Alistair sighed, but did as he was told and as she returned to her previous position the cold of the amulet settled against his skin, but the meaning of it warmed his soul. That locket meant the world to him, but where it was now meant even more to him. To know she would wear it in the middle of this hell was enough for him to know she was the only thing that was more important to him than his own life…

Alistair wrapped his arms around her closing his eyes listening to the dying fire outside the tent and the whispers of the wind in the cool moonlit night. A night he would never forget…

)()~()~()~()~()(

_When the light of your life sighs_…

"You know my friend," Alistair made a noise between a groan and sigh at the intruder entering the room, "if it helps anything I understand what you're going through."

"I _really_ don't need your smartass remarks, Zevran, so please," Alistair dropped his voice, "Go away."

"No need to be harsh," Zevran walked into the study with his hands behind his back.

Alistair looked up from the papers in front of him, "Would you like to know what I'm really sick of?"

"What is that?"

"People coming to check on me as if I'm about to jump off a cliff," Alistair grumbled.

"Would jumping off a cliff help?"

"At this point? Maybe, but am I? It's an option," Alistair's sarcasm had no effect on the elf.

"And this is why we check on you," Zevran grinned, "So, what were you thinking about?"

"It doesn't concern you," Alistair looked back at the papers.

"Ah, but it might help to speak your mind," Zevran pointed out.

"No, but it'll help to know why the hell you all are here?" Alistair hissed, "I understand why Wynne is here, but you, Morrigan…"

"Oghern and Leliana," Zevran added.

"Wait, those two are here?" Alistair paled looking at him.

"Yes, actually they are in the kitchen," Zevran confirmed.

"Why can't you all just leave me alone?" Alistair asked.

"You whine a lot for a king," Zevran's nose bunched up on his face, "It is very non-royal like."

"Good thing I'm only half royal," Alistair glared, "And I do not whine a lot."

"My mistake," Zevran put his hands behind his back, "Just most of the time."

"If you're trying to help me feel better, it's not working," Alistair stated.

"Then tell me what you were thinking about," Zevran probed, but Alistair brought his eyes back to his paper and the Antivan frowned sighing, "I'm not leaving until you do."

Alistair moved a piece of paper to examine another ignoring the once assassin as he roamed about the study; unaware that he had stopped to stare at one particular painting.

"She truly was beautiful," Zevran said getting his attention again.

Alistair forced himself not to look that way.

"Did you tell her that often?"

"Countless number of times."

"I think she really began to shine after receiving your mother's amulet," Zevran glanced back at Alistair to see the young king staring at the picture, "She cherished it, just as she did that rose."

Alistair swallowed.

Zevran returned his gaze to the painting of the beautiful Grey Warden; she was staring off into the distance donned in a long white gown appearing to stand on a hill. By her feet resting against her leg was a shield with the Cousland family crest painted on it, in her right hand she held the Cousland family sword, her left hand rested on her breastbone just below his mother's amulet, and finally just above her ear was the blood red rose that of which he gave her. The painting was given to him by Leliana after she had returned from her own adventures…the painting was like the statue Oghern had made for him: beautiful, remarkable, but nothing close to what _his_ Raelyn was like…they were just stills of her frozen in time…just as her body would forever be since First Enchanter Irving encased it, stopping the decaying process.

"Leliana did a marvelous job," Zevran said.

"That she did," Alistair agreed half-heartedly as his eyes had become entranced by the girl's face, "Blessed Andraste…"

Zevran lifted an eyebrow, "So what were you thinking about?"

"The only thing I ever think about," Alistair answered, "Her. All I do is think about her."

"Anything specific to her?"

"What you mentioned earlier," Alistair didn't look at him, "When I gave her my mother's amulet…that night…I promised I'd never forget her, that's why I can't."

"You also don't want to."

"Of course I don't…but with each passing day she seems to be leaving me."

"Maybe it's a sign to move on with your life."

"No," Alistair's hands slammed down on the desk, "Why does everyone keep telling me that?"

"Because it is, well, what is best for you," Zevran turned to see Alistair standing with his hands on the desk leaning forward, "We want you to be happy again."

"Happy?"

"We want the old Alistair back," Zevran clarified, "The weird, strange, unusual one that Wynne grandmothered, Morrigan hated, Oghern teased, Leliana gossiped about, and the one that annoyed me because of his hair. We want that Alistair back."

"Right, you know that doesn't help your case," Alistair said.

Zevran shrugged, "It was worth a shot. No, but seriously," Zevran held his hands up slightly, "maybe you should _move on_. If you want I can give you the names of a few ladies who are more than willing to help our beloved king."

"You want me to be happy again, all of you?" Alistair asked.

Zevran smiled, "It would be nice, yes."

Alistair nodded and stood up straight, he stayed still for a second then went to the door, but stopped to respond, "Bring her back to me…that's what will make me happy."

"We can't do that, my friend, I am sorry."

"Then," Alistair looked at him, "stop trying to fix what none of you can mend."

"You aren't trying," Zevran said sternly.

"I don't want to try and _move on_," Alistair hissed, "If I do that, I'll forget her!"

"Is that what you're worried about?" Zevran asked.

Alistair flushed slightly.

"Oh, Alistair," Zevran sighed shaking his head, "You will never forget her, none of us expect you to forget her because frankly neither can we…no one in Ferelden can forget her, but that doesn't mean you can't go on in life and find happiness."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"Well, then…we can't say we didn't try."

"No, I guess not," Alistair glanced at the picture one last time before leaving the room.

"There was this old Antivan story," Zevran's voice stopped him again, "that I heard a lot when I was younger. It spoke of how one's happiness can never be fully returned to them after they lose someone dear to them, but as time heals…so do they. But that is only half of the story, the other half speaks of how when someone decides to not let go of the past they will grow with it dragging behind them bringing hate, despair, and sadness. They won't notice or see this until it is too late, it'll be in that final moment, my friend that you will understand and wish you could change how you behaved after her death."

Alistair continued walking.

"And as the story's last few lines went: 'In your last fleeting moment on this earth will be when you will regret your past and wish to change who you were, it'll be then, only then, that you wish you could go back…but it'll be too late…for you become death itself when the light of your life sighs…"

**A/N: You know what you should do? Review.**


End file.
